Monday, December 31, 2012

End of 2012

It's the end of the year and I should have done better. I really should have.

I didn't write every day. I didn't work out every day. Hell I didn't even give myself a minute to meditate every day. I just...I lost.

It was a tough year, and rolling over to 2013 doesn't make the year less hard. Nor does it make any of the myriad insecurities I have fade.

This year—2013—I will make the same resolutions that everyone makes. I will spend more time with friends and family, I will try to be kinder, I will try to be sane, I will get in shape.

I guess the most important resolution I will make for the following year is to write daily. I'm dropping the 365 requirement because I can't hold it. It became a task too big to handle and I subsequently wrote nothing.

This year I will try to follow through on my actions. This year I will try to actually do.

Or in the words of a famous Northwest shoe company, just do it.

But I know that I might not. And that's the hardest part about making promises to oneself—they are easy to break because we are forgiving.

I didn't meet my goals for last year, I dropped the ball—I never focused on my goals and I certainly didn't execute well. I feel ashamed that the few people who read this blog did not get to see something every day. That I failed them.

Sorry guys.

I resolve to try harder. To do what hurts sometimes.

Yogi Berra once said, “if you come to a fork in the road, take it.” I think he was right. I could explain how that works but suffice it to say he wasn't completely off his rocker. It does work.

This last year was about stasis. Finding stability and discovering that it's not impossible to be an adult. I thought it would be about growth. It was—but in a controlled manner. I never sprinted to the finish, I never overcame extraordinary obstacles. I was myself the entire year in a boring way—yeah, boring. But I think I grew in ways that I won't see the impacts of until many years from now. My freshman year as a post-grad is a foundation for some structure whose form has yet to be decided.

At least I hope.

Happy new year everyone.