Wednesday, July 4, 2012

This fourth will be weird

This fourth will be weird.  I am alone with the kitten just waiting to make a plan.

It’s hard to leave the kitten though.  She is adorable and seems to get separation anxiety when I leave.  I went for a good run this morning because it was sunny and wonderful out.  When I got back Arya acted like I had left her for a thousand years.  When I go to work I wonder if I could bring her so she isn’t lonely.  I’m neurotic about a cat.

What the hell?  I’m going to be one of those fathers that is perpetually on the verge of tears because he’s failing his kids.  No I’m not.  But until I get this cat owner thing down I’m the gullible idiot who will take the cat to kitty therapy.  Kind of serious.

Anyways, Ciera has gone away with her mother and extended family to Sun Valley, Oregon.  She left last night and I felt like a single dad suddenly.  Am I raising her right?  When I say no am I being cold?  How do I nurture this thing?

Sorry.  The point I was trying to make is that I am not going to be with family or Ciera for the fourth.  That’s a new one for me.  I’ll be mostly alone today, and later will see my friends, maybe.  This Fourth is just going to be different.  And I’m ok with that.  I’m happy to be slowing down for a moment and giving myself some time to gather my bearings.  My only obligation is to pet and feed a cat.  And clean her litter box.

My god, this post is mostly about the cat.  She’s adorable.  But I’m not a crazy cat lady.  Although it felt like everyone we talked to about adopting a kitten was one and seemed to think I was as well.  That doesn’t bode well.

So Ciera will be gone for ten days.  In that time I plan on spending a lot of me time.  I can be really solitary.  I like to think then do and people sometimes feel like encumbrances.  Not that this mindset is really appropriate or true.  It’s just that today when I said to myself, “hey I’ll go for a run, it’s so pretty out,” that I threw on my clothes and was out the door in less than a minute.  With other people it always seems like an ordeal.

I just want to go sometimes; transition at my pace.  And having other people around (Ciera mostly but only because I live with her) can change my pace.  So I think I’ll take these ten days to understand my pace and how I work, hopefully so that in the future I’m not an ass when people don’t move at the speed I want.

I can be a jerk, a loner, and a crazy cat person sometimes I guess.

Happy Fourth.