Monday, February 6, 2012

Sim-Date 2/3

She pulled some folded papers out of her purse. As she unfolded them she glanced at me. “Ok mister. Let’s see how honest you really are.”

“Excuse me?” I asked, hardly sure where this was going.

“I thought you said you were a good listener,” she shuffled through the papers, “yep, you did. Lie number one.”

I was dumbfounded, my heart started thumping in my chest. My eyes twitched as I looked for the door. She was quizzing me on what I had said in my profile. There wasn’t anything that was a blatant lie, but there were plenty of subtleties. “I’m sorry...” I said slowly.

“You said you were confident. You don’t look so confident right now. Two lies!” I saw the family sitting behind her jump. “Do you really own a sensibly priced mid-size Japanese sedan?”

“I lease it, yes.”

She looked skeptically at me and decided that it was truthful enough for her, “hmmm...ok, do you really,” she paused and leaned around the table to get a better view of me, “do you really weigh 176?”

“I gained a couple of pounds since I got promoted last--”

“Three,” she pulled out a retractable pen and clicked it open. She then furiously scribbled through the part of the paper that evidently had my weight.

“Did you print out my entire profile so you can interrogate me?” I tried to remain calm but found myself tightening my already tight tie idly. Perhaps self-asphyxiation would be less painful.

“I do a lot of things, but this is about whether you do one--tell the truth!” She said it with real force, enough to knock her knife off the table. I breathed a sigh at the extra distance the knife had taken from her erratic movements.

She held up a piece of paper next to my face. It was my profile picture. “You are a lot grainier in your photo. What are you hiding in your photo? Is it the big mole on your neck?”

“I don’t have a big mole on my neck,” I said defensively, “do I?”

She examined my neck carefully, looked at her papers, “no, I guess you don’t. Another lie!”