Saturday, December 31, 2011

To Sleep to Dream to Die

What kind of life do I live? What kind of life do I want to live?

I have found myself in the world now, expecting to be someplace, unsure of where that is. I think I'm ok. People spend their whole lives figuring out what to do.

I had a dream that I was in the desert with all my friends. In the dream they were all my friends but I didn't recognize them; I felt safe and comfortable as if around my peers. I was on a plateau, and below were huge metal structures that were built into the hillside. Man-made mixed with nature.

A storm was gathering. Deep gray clouds moved quickly over the landscape, casting a dark pallor over the red earth. Lightning played in the clouds. Bolts cast lines across miles of clouds in slow motion. The bolts froze in position.

Sometimes I have dreams of places I have never been, but I recognize them. I have been to these places in dreams past. I revisit these strange locations. The dreamworld has its own logic and dimensions. I go to these places only in my dreams and I wonder sometimes which is the real world.

Is sleep just the passage into another world? Is sleep just the other life I lead? Are dreams another life playing out in real time? I pass into another realm and it is nonsensical only because I can't control a space unstuck from time.

“Time is life's way of keeping everything from happening all at once.” Dreams are free of time's linear perspective; they make no sense to us, but we only spend a little time in that world; mostly passengers, hardly ever in control. What would our world look like to a passing traveler pulled free of time? It would be but a dream.

Ha. What a way to live. Out of control; unable to comprehend the enormity of it all. Aren't we all just stuck in a dream a bit? People aren't supposed to be able to turn on lights or read the fine print in dreams. It's hard to run and harder to fly. Isn't that how it always is though?