Saturday, December 3, 2011

Meatbag

Here's something, don't ever try to open a bic lighter to get at the fuel. Apparently the contents are under pressure and can explode. So don't be stupid.

Here's another thing. If you get a major third degree burn, call a medical professional immediately. Do not pop a couple vicodin and leave it for a few days. It will turn gangrenous and have to be cut off.

Also, if possible, always let people know where you are going before you leave somewhere. I just saw 127 hours and it would suck to die for no reason other than the fact that you didn't tell anyone where you went.

Which brings me to another point, always have sharp knives around. Not just for amputating limbs but also to prevent it. See, I have seen a ton of kitchen accidents. Most of them are caused by two factors: improper handling of equipment, and unrefined or weak equipment. Think of the things you regularly chop. Many of them are round and can slip easily. Those slips happen far more frequently when the blade is dull and instead of slicing through the product, have their force deflected and the blade edge move along the surface of the thing to be chopped. Very often the first place where the blade can bite is the friction friendly skin of a human hand. The remaining downward force is then pushed through the layers of protective yet flimsy skin until our mind can send a signal telling our knife arm to stop.

Signals travel through our body at a paltry 250-ish miles per hour. The signal needs to travel up the arm and back down the arm making a pit-stop at the brain to register the action and define a new course. That's plenty of time for a reckless person with a missed swing to cut down to the bone on a finger. In some cases people even sever fingers. So be careful and aware. Always cut away. And even if you are tired, hungry, or excited, pay attention. Knives, after all, cut meat, and we are just meat.

Big bags of meat with delusions of grandeur just because we think we have mastered fire and using knives.