Thursday, December 1, 2011

Blue Da-Ba-Dee

So Ciera got a 2009 Nissan Versa SL Hatchback Five-door. Definitely didn't see that one coming. She calls it her blueberry. It's a tiny little hatchback car; it feels a bit emasculating because the only people I know who own tiny hatchbacks are lesbians. So it's kind of like a little blue-ball.

I just blue myself in there. I'm going to get a lot of mileage out of this one. Also, it's got great mileage; 30,000. It's like new like a baby blue bull named Babe (Paul Bunyan's side-kick). And it's super efficient like nearly 35 mpg. So this blue-ball known as earth can stay blue—and green.

And speaking of lesbians I recently saw the world's—in my opinion—only concept for a feminist building. It's a giant hole in the ground; a reverse skyscraper. Take that patriarchal establishment.

Also, I found a solution to the homeless problem. Two things: Blue-tooth, blue UNICEF uniforms, and clipboards. Oh, and blue pens. So the homeless people can keep yelling about the dying children and the murderers and stuff. But then when they ask for change from someone, the passerby doesn't say, “get a job.” Instead they tentatively say no, or they sign up to donate to a charity.

For any homeless people that refuse to work on a street corner for a charity, give them fake blue tooth ear pieces. Then when they start hearing voices and yelling at them, they just look like high powered financiers. At least then it will make sense why the markets blew up and no one can get them under control. Yeah it's insensitive, but so is walking past them everyday and doing nothing.

Angela Merkel is blue-balling the EU right now. She is refusing to let the ECB release cash, instead calling for more austerity. She's like an economic dominatrix, restricting cash reserves while the rest of Europe struggles to remember the safe word. Hint: the EU was done before; they called it the Articles of Confederation. It fell apart. EU, you want to make this work; dissolve your union or create a stronger central authority.

I just drove the blueberry. It's really zippy. It feels like I'm about to become a blue streak in traffic. The little guy flies. I bet it can go fast enough to blue-shift relative to an observer. That's scientist speak for move really fast.