Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Work Day

Life moves rapidly and no one seems to care. I have now worked for three days at Triangle Associates and continue to be excited by everything I do. I already got kind of chewed out for two things: being arrogant and overly familiar, and using the word boring to describe work. I have to shut my mouth I guess. I guess I have to cut out my idiosyncrasies. I'm not bored working, but sifting through poorly organized documents on the world wide web does tend to lose its sheen when the noir setting of my imagination dies before the task is completed. That's work. I see the end goals though, and that keeps it exciting.

I'm just tired of walking on eggshells. I keep getting told how casual the office is and how familiar everyone is but then told I have to work for that connection—which is true—and told to only take what I'm given. I try, but I've never worked in a professional setting and my inability to communicate in that sort of professional way is obviously getting me someplace I don't want to be. I just want to relax at work.

Maybe it's my space. I am in a corner in a hallway. No cubicle, just a workspace. People pass through just to see people in their offices. Who knows. I have to rearrange the desks soon though and that will hopefully give me some privacy. Hopefully. But what does space have to do with anything. I guess everything if it's all about comfort. Which it is. I didn't take a break or eat or even go to the bathroom on the first day. Not comfortable yet. I just don't want to feel like I'm bugging people by just being there.

I want to feel valuable and not like an impostor. Also, I want to write blogs and not diary entries. I guess I didn't do so hot at this one.

Ciera got cast in Spring Awakening (the play not the musical). The car has been deemed totaled (we're driving a rented Dodge Avenger now—huge blind spot, and totally for men having midlife crises). Liam bailed (he's going back to Vermont because he had an epiphany, and I hope that works for him). And we saw Take Me America—musical about gaining asylum in this country.

I used to wish I could just have a breakdown. Odd how I don't wish that now despite the difficulties.