Thursday, September 1, 2011

Sudden Friends

One day you meet somebody and then suddenly you have known them your whole life. On the first of September 2011 I rested my eyes as I do often. What strikes me about the experience of closing my eyes and resting my head is that my mind floods with people and places. Sensory experiences I can't control. Nostalgia is the most bitter medicine. Colors are bright and beautiful, it is a world where everything is shot in 8mm. And though the smells, tastes, sights and sounds may re-occupy my mind, they remain fixed on the roll of film; projected and untouchable.

I can't remember the first time I met almost anyone. I can remember the time that they became so important that the thought of them lit up my brain; a boiling energy inhabited my body and a smile crossed my face.

I like to think I can hide myself from people—the world. But I can't contain myself from my friends or those most important to me. And they become immortalized in my memory. Skidmore will be one thought. A day on the lawn, a smell in a kitchen, a slow warmth that passed through me as I spent time with my friends.

It is the same with all moments. It is truly hard to recognize their simple beauty whilst living it, and it is the paradox that they are out of grasp when we most want to reach them. And so the heaviness of life is the weight of the people we carry in our minds. And I happily choose to keep them.

Time is forward, a unilinear dimension. The mind deals with the inevitable loss of the moment by anticipating the future, knowing that the fixed track we are on has the potential of replication. Hope is the word. And we remember too.

I have had a wonderful year. It is the final third of the year and I can't say I regret much. The yearning in my heart is proof of my great year. I hold the bright days, the beautiful sunsets, and dark nights. But they are always inhabited in my mind. Inhabited by the people I miss and those I will meet again. I will do it, because Skidmore was great and Reno High was fun but only with the people that were there. And I don't need to go back, but I do need to see them again, because I intend on knowing them for the rest of my life.