Monday, June 27, 2011

The Real World: Portland

I live in my grandmother's house. I am a grown man. This is my life. I've stopped being polite and started getting real. This is the Real World Portland.

I it's ok though, my cousin lives here too. I think that makes it better because I haven't unpacked and he has flaming hot cheetos smashed into his carpet. Does that help?

I live with my girlfriend. But she sleeps in a different room. Sometimes her feet smell—like roses. But that's because she's ok with me saying they smell like roses; not something else—like butterflies.

My grandmother walks around the house. We call her Mama, but it's supposed to be spelled Maman. My oldest cousin didn't deign to inform the rest of us that was the way she spelled and pronounced it. Hence every other cousin says Mama. She is a southern lady. And she doesn't like to cook really. She can't hear too well and naps a lot.

There's a cat here, her name is Kerry. She is skinny like Mama. Kerry likes to go in and out at five minute intervals. Kerry is always hungry or wants to sit in the seat you are in. There are squirrels too. The squirrels come to the door and knock on it so that Mama will feed them.

Mama likes to feed the squirrels and birds. Mama does a few things. She solves the crossword. She takes her morning bath. She watches her one TV show. She naps at least 2 or 3 times a day. She reads her book. And she says, “what? Ah didn't heaa y'all.” She also gets a lot of phone calls. I hope that when I am 82 that I am as popular as her.

David works from 10pm to 6am some days. He's a security guard. He likes his hookah and the firepit in the backyard. His birthday is on the 4th of July. He loves video games. Sometimes he wakes me up at 3 in the morning (on nights that he isn't working) because he is screaming profanities into his microphone.

Ciera and I try to exercise. Ciera does it more than me. I'm what most people call lazy. It isn't helping me get a job.

This summer is gray and cold. I would have thought that the weather would have at least provided me with something to look forward to. C'est la vie. This is the real world.