Sunday, May 29, 2011

Hook-up I

A short story:

The most important part of living is being in love. Or perhaps it isn’t. The college life was my attempt at falling in love. I had always expected so many things to be different in so many ways. I looked to the experience itself as a way to achieve some sort of odd preconceived notion about the way life should be.

So I went to my classes everyday. I found a group of friends, people who were reliable and generous. A couple of them were wild-eyed and ready to exploit the campus environment in all its forms. I suppose that was what drew me to them at first. The untamed fires that burned so ferociously—driving them to pull devastating pranks on each other and the campus as a whole.

One night we were filling up condoms with baking soda and vinegar, carefully separating the substances with a thin piece of paper. If the condom was shaken, the reaction would start quickly and the condom would explode. We were going to set it by my friend’s door and have him come out into the hall, in the process shaking it and letting it explode in his face. As we exited the bathroom I accidentally bumped into a girl who was obliviously listening to her headphones and carrying her laundry.

The condom had been shaken and the reaction had started. There was only a little time. I looked at the girl—just a brief glimpse. She was in sweatpants and a pull-over sweater. She had blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She had her hair pulled back in a pony tail and had a very startled expression on her face. She was not the object of my prank and I had to think quickly. I could be a real jerk to my friends, but never a stranger.

I looked around hastily. One bathroom stall door was still open. With that in mind, I took three brisk steps to the toilet, tossed the rapidly expanding condom in the bowl and shut the door of the stall quickly. I ran back out and apologized to the girl for scattering her laundry everywhere. Aside from being inordinately embarrassed about the whole incident, I introduced myself to her and tried to help her put her laundry back in the basket. I quickly realized that I wasn’t really helping overcome the awkwardness of the moment. She was cute enough and I had what I thought to be a flash of genius at the time—I offered to help her back to her room. Right as I extended my magnanimous offer, I heard a large splash, the banging of a bathroom door, and a groan of complete indignation.

In the process of disposing of my ticking time bomb my co-conspirators had left through the other entrance of the bathroom, returned without knowing their imminent danger, and walked right into a far more sinister version of their original prank. I hastily exited with the pony tail blonde and made small talk with her. Somehow I ended up hooking up with her.

Hooking up, it is that all-encompassing term to describe all manner of sexual acts. What ‘base’ I got to is not really important. What was important was that, I had started down the path that I thought would maximize my college experience. Get a little action on the side. Go hang with friends, save money on dates.