Monday, May 9, 2011

Getting Sentimental

I had a wonderful day. I'm not sure what about today has made me so emotional. But it was good. It was one of those days where everywhere you travel it makes sense. Where I barely planned ahead but everything worked out great. I was able to spend time with my friends and enjoy one of our first beautiful days outside. I felt like everything I did was a discovery.

I was happy today.

And I have been sad all day too. I am speaking in simple sentences because I'm not sure how to adequately qualify it. I had a bittersweet day. I felt so connected and vulnerable with my friends—accepted and loved. What more could I ask from life than to know that I could be at peace amongst people.

That is something that has always made me uneasy. People. But today, I was totally at ease with them. Maybe my last final ever was a sign of sorts. I have no need to prove myself here anymore. What I do, I do because I want to.

And I did what I felt like doing. I was in tune with my body, finding bliss in the moments that carried me through the day. I felt my thoughts. That is uncommon for me. When I expressed an emotion it welled up from my stomach; an itching of butterflies that I am unaccustomed to. Things just felt right today.

I was doing everything for myself. That is a great feeling. I swear that my life gets better with the weather. The sun was out and I was happy. Simple as that.

I missed being a kid. Looking at the world and accepting it. Birds flew because that's what they do. Not because of aerodynamics and physics I can't quite grasp. People loved me because I demanded it, and they wanted to. Finger painting seemed like a good idea today. I wish I had done that.