Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Ground Control

When I come home I feel grounded. When I am away from home, I become someone else. I dunno.

It’s that here I am me—who I want to be. Being a nice person, being a good one isn’t some tough life decision I have to be constantly conscious of. Being good and nice comes naturally here. Does that mean I am living a lie away or even that I am not being myself?

I don’t think so; I think it’s that I have put in the time and effort to be nice, to be who I am here—comfortable. Away from home is foreign, temporary, and open to me; thus I must become closed, permanent, and familiar to myself. I guess this results in the new me. It is the same me, same philosophy, exhibited differently. And I don’t know if it’s good or bad, but it will definitely pass because away from home can easily become home. Or I can find my center without going home, but sadly that has not happened. I just don’t know.

Here I have control. It feels like away I lose my control.