Friday, September 18, 2009

Inner Thoughts

It's raining. Which is nice, but I thought this place was a desert...there seems to be a lot of rain today.

Let me deviate from Spain for a moment to briefly try to understand myself. Sorry if an overly pensive narrator is annoying. Early last week I was trying to talk to Brad (Tufts kid that seems to interact with the world only about 60% of the time) and I said, “es posible que no hay nadie que me entienden” or it's possible that no one understands me. A thought that was meant to be a play on my budding spanish and rapidly worsening english but seemed to reflect on a much more honest level the qualities of being a person of my demographic character. Being a privileged middle-class white/asian american male of 20 years old seems to be a recipe for a combination of misunderstandings. How I behave, the things I say, all are tempered to my audience because I understand that sometimes there are things I want to do or say that have no context outside of me. That's not to say i'm misunderstood completely, just that often, people get to glimpse me from a pinhole camera.

Spain, and constantly speaking in a language where my ability to communicate has devolved to that of a three year old, exaggerates the obscurity of the lens through which people can understand me. It is something akin, in my experience (and trust me, I know I have very little experience), to looking at distant galaxies: so much information can be determined about them (size, distance, color, composition, age) but the truly important details are lacking (specific stars, planets, life?, dark matter).

Ultimately, I am not sure if this trip will allow people to understand me better, or if it will add another layer to hide myself. One thing is definitely certain: I know far more who I am which is good enough for me right now.