Sunday, October 14, 2007

if life were like a porno...

i'd order pizza every night.

Plumbers would check your pipes, then check your pipes.

Everyone would be beautiful.

Shiny Leather would be the new black.

Whips would go with everything.

All girls would be bi-sexual nymphomaniacs, or lesbians.

Investing in silicone would be prudent, as implants would be mandatory.

"Getting Coffee" would no longer be something you do in public.

All conversations would have poorly acted sexual tension.

Any instrument besides drums and the saxophone would be outlawed.

Say goodbye to Larry Greenberg and say hello to Max Passion.

you know what? Scratch the first one, I would deliver pizzas.

Girls would all have one name like Sassy, or Foxy, or Roxy, or Epilepsy.

Nuns would all be strippers.

Historical artifacts would be made out of plastic.

Hollywood would be the same.

No one would want to play the trombone.

Politicians would never have affairs. Who would want to when your wife is hotter than Pamela Anderson?

Secretaries would all be females in short skirts.

People still wouldn't want to go to Cleveland.

I'd visit the library more often.

Formal dress would mean wearing a bra.

And finally, no one's cell phone would ever go off in the middle of a show because they would all be set to vibrate.


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